Old Man Wisdom - The Attributes of Character

For my beloved son, Daniel, a United States Marine, currently in Iraq.

Confronting Abuse:
There are many people in the world who use meanness, abuse and intimidation as their way of dealing with others. Quite often, the ones the abusers abuse the most are those they would say they “love.”
As my son, you know most of my story. You know my father did not know his father and had no good male role model upon which to build his parental skill set. He exhibited abusiveness – especially when he drank – toward his wife and children.
You’ve seen me sober during your entire time on the planet – I quit drinking four years before you were born – but had you known me before that, you would have likely said that those same patterns which I successfully broke, were in evidence.
So why do I bring this up now? Because it is an issue with many, many people. Drinking may contribute to it – or any substance abuse for that matter – but the patterns of abuse stem not from the substance but from the individual. A person can be stone cold sober and be abusive to others.
I bring this up now because when we are faced with evidence of this type of behavior we have two choices. We can choose to ignore it as “none of our business” or we can choose to attempt to instigate change. There are risks involved with either choice but I contend that to ignore it is the weaker of the two choices. Allowing abuse is tantamount to condoning abuse – and I cannot / will not condone it. I expect the same from you.
Most people are intelligent enough to realize that if they are challenged from outside of their “family unit” their secret is no longer a secret – their behavior / abusiveness has been made public and perhaps they should – at the very least – minimize it, and at the very best – stop it and seek help.
People can change – but only if they choose to change. It cannot be brought about without their consent and often their consent is not forthcoming when confronted with the abuse by the abused. It is only when confronted by “outsiders” that they may consider change as an alternative.
This is another one of those “choices” in life to be made prior to the situation presenting itself. Another decision on “how you will choose to live your life.”
Love, Dad